I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize