to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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