I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
pray to the hookup gods
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
