So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
