your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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