You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
