remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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