Acid is not a monday night drug
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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