Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
