He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
