You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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