I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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