I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
