the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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