you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
