Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we're so committed to being not committed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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