If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will be naked everywhere
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
