like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
