I just pynch a tree in the face
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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