i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my shit smells like andre
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
