i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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