You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
