Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
