some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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