do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
