You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
