During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
