my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
