are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
