Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just had sex bonerless
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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