ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
