I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
