i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't turn off my feet"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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