It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
