Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
