Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
