I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize