I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
