Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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