"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
