someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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