Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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