So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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