Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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