guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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