girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
