umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize