The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
