As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
