I faked an abortion last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
