My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
