Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
