you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
