Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
