I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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