why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
