D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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