end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize