Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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