Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
