shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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