oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We have started to decorate penises.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
