One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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