My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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