My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
