Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
