I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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