I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
