After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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